i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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