You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
