Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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