I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
