No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We need a shit load of segways right now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
