I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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