If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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