He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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