OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
