somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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