I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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