I have demons in me.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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