A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
