i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
