your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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