i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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