Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
