seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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