I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize