he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
