haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
