i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
