I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
