so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
