I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
