Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he high fived his dick after we had sex
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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