areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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