I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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