Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
