We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's like iHOP with fire
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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