It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
