haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
