i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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