i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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