If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
