Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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