Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
