I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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