i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
