i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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