woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize