Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
