Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
