Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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