Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
