we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
