I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
