"it" just moved
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
