It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize