i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
bring money and cleavage
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
