peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
