dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my sisters under your porch take her home
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
