Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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