I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
