Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
