Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
