I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my poor anus
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
