grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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