wat bout pragnant strippers??
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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