I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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