How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you traded sex for a burrito?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize