Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
