so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
