My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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