He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
