You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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