In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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