we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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