She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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