Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
