Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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