I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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