He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we're so committed to being not committed