Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
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I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.