So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.