Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH