I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.