It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
jump out the window naked night went bad
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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