Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
they're like a gay fantastic four
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
