Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
