I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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