the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
