Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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