I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
