Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
