I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize