to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
