she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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